Yesterday we had to go over to my mom's house for family dinner. I have an older brother and his birthday falls on December 24th, so we normally get together on his birthday and have turkey. Jacob however, will not eat turkey, or mashed potatoes or stuffing. Oh well, more for me. On Saturday morning, we also woke up to another surprise, Jacob lost another one of his teeth. So, of course, Jacob had 2 special visitors last night, Santa and the Tooth Fairy.
Jacob woke up this morning a little later than normal, I think it was because of the late night he had. But we didn't mind sleeping in a little. When Jacob finally woke up at about 8:30, he can into our room and said "Look what the tooth fairy brought me!" Jacob then flashed a $5 bill. He was so happy about receiving a blue bill that it seemed as though he forget about Santa. When Shannon mentioned that it was Christmas day, Jacob's eyes lit up. We ran down stairs and began unwrapping gifts. Jacob only likes to get 1 present at a time. This way he can read the tag, to see whom it was from and then appreciate each gift individually. I can't believe all the gifts under the tree for him. There was even a bag of gifts from his school, all individually wrapped. Each one was a different toy. I don't know about everyone else, but buying for Jacob is impossible. Lucky for us, he recently started enjoying sports. We got Jacob a lot of stuff with his favourite sports teams on them and a lot of clothes too. Jacob appreciates clothes much more than I did when I was seven. I love seeing Jacob happy.
We however, had a feeling of dread come over us, me especially this morning. I couldn't stop looking at the time. Almost like I was expecting something bad to happen. It's strange because Jacob was born at 10:08 in the morning and I can't believe how often I notice when it's 10:08. Last Christmas, Max was attacked at 9:50 AM. And wouldn't you know it, I looked at the clock this morning and it was 9:50. It's almost like Max was trying to remind us that it had been exactly 1 year since that day. Like we could possibly forget. I think I heard knocking at my front door, but when I looked, no one was there. Jacob luckily, didn't seem to focus on the sadness, but at one point this morning, he looked right into my eyes. And I looked into his. I saw the sadness and pain that was behind his smile. I know he remembers, but I also know that Jacob doesn't express his feelings well, so I didn't push.
It's only as I sit typing this, that I remember the details. Max didn't actually pass on until 6PM when we finally put him down. I remember going into the room where he was. Max was hooked up to different machines and was bandaged up. I remember the beeping of his heart monitor. His rate was steady at 90, but when Shannon and I began to talk to him and touch him, his heart rate fell to 65. It was like he could finally rest knowing that we were there. I think Max knew that he had gave his life to protect Jacob and I think he knew we appreciated his sacrifice. I try not to think about what would've happened, had Max not been there, or if Jacob would've answered the door with one of Max's toys, like he normally did. Jacob doesn't answer the door anymore.
Right now Jacob is enjoying some cookies. I'm jealous of Jacob. He doesn't seem to be as fragile as I am, at least not on the surface, but if I mention Max, I'm sure we'll both be crying. That's enough sadness, I don't want anyone feeling sad this Christmas, at least not for us. Like I said earlier, we have no plans today, but maybe that's what is making today so hard. Maybe it's because I keep looking in the hallway and remembering, when I should be looking at the tree. Jacob and I are probably going to spend the next few hours playing video games, he on his DS and me on the PS3. Jacob's already been playing his for a while. I had to force him to have a peanut butter sandwich. At least he's eating something, unlike me.
You can't focus too much on the sad things associated with Christmas, you have to focus on the good things, like seeing your kids smile, or seeing your wife relax, even if just for a minute. on that note, I want to wish everyone, on behalf of my family, a Merry Christmas. I hope you all have a wonderful holiday.
What do you want for Christmas Jacob? "I want what's in the presents, what Santa brings me."
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