Today I had a terrible day. I went to work this morning, as usual, and after doing about 15 minutes of physical labour, my heart felt like it was going to pound out of my chest. I attributed it to the 40 degree heat, but after I rested in the shade and had some cold water, my heart would not stop pounding. It literally felt like my chest was going to explode.
So I asked my foreman, who happens to be a close, lifelong friend, to drive me to the hospital. After about 7 hours of waiting, a couple blood tests(with needles) and an EKG, the doctor said that everything was normal. Of course I called Shannie and told her what was wrong and she in turn kept Jacob out of school for the afternoon so she could be with me in the emergency room. I still can't believe that things are normal because that label doesn't really fit any aspect of my life.
My poor son was devastated to hear that I had a heart problem and was in the hospital. And of course, Jacob being upset didn't help my heart relax. I found myself wondering what would happen to my wife and son if I wasn't around. Which in hindsight, also didn't help my heart much either. I found my self asking god to let me be okay, at least until Jacob was 18 years old. And believe me, I'm not that religious. I don't know the significance of Jacob being 18, because it's not like his Asperger's would be gone when he becomes 18, but hopefully he'd be better able to understand.
I'm sure other parents in a situation similar to mine have thought about the same thing. I have life insurance through a personal and work plan, but what would happen to Jacob? I don't think that he could handle it. I've seen how hard it's been for him to understand what happened to Max, so losing a parent would be catastrophic. How would my family cope? Who would run the household? I asked myself all these questions and more.
I understand that everything is okay, but it really made me appreciate the time we have together. So in honour of my new outlook on life, I'm going to take tomorrow off from work to enjoy the day at home. My experience has also showed me how lucky I am to have a great family and even though my son has Asperger's, I wouldn't change him for the world. And in closing I'd like everyone who reads this to take a minute to really appreciate the family that they have. Because we all know that any minute, our world's can change.
I am glad to hear you ended up OK. Also had to remind myself that you are in Canada so 40 is actually hot ; )
ReplyDeleteI have thought about this. It's hard not to. I don't know what would happen if I were gone. I know what HAS happened with me just being layed up bc of my knee, and that alone scares me! I just hope my husband would fine Mary Poppins...really, that is his only hope.
I hear you. My wife has been at home for 8 years so it would likely be a difficult transition back into the work force. Let alone having to raise a young child alone.
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