Today was Jacob's fourth in home, grief therapy session. And I learned something today about how kids with ASDs grieve. Most of you know that kids with ASDs, tend to become fixated on certain things and they also have difficulty in expressing their emotions. So today we came to grips with Jacob's progression.
It turns out that sometimes kids with ASDs, can have a hard time forgiving. We already sensed that with Jacob as we're aware of most of his emotional tendencies. He forgives little things that happen, but we've always been concerned about his ability to forgive Roxy the pit bull for what she did. His therapist explained that sometimes kids with ASDs, never actually reach the state of forgiveness. 1 reason is, that forgiving someone is a very mature emotion, and while many kids reach that level, sometimes kids don't and then they can never really forgive. And another reason is, that forgiving is in a way saying that things are okay. Which to Jacob, things aren't okay.
Jacob has some maturity, but we aren't sure if he's emotionally ready to forgive. And we know, that he'll never accept that things are alright. We'll still try and explain that forgiving is okay, but it could be a long while. We don't want him to forget what happened to Max, we just don't want him hung up on revenge, because that's not healthy either. And Jacob knows that things are different, but he doesn't want to admit that things cant go back to the way they were.
So both of us, and the therapist, feel like we've hit a wall on the path to acceptance. And as such we scheduled Jacob's next session right before he goes back to school. We wanted him to have one more, before he goes into grade 3, just to help him let go of some emotions and then prepare for the upcoming year. He'll likely never be over what happened, so it seems that Jacob will always need to get his emotion out. Which is a good thing because holding in sadness isn't very good either.
It's tough for us too, because at every session, he cries when he talks about Max. So we know it still affects him, but we aren't sure when or even if, he'll move past it. We hope that as Jacob gets older, he develops the maturity to forgive everyone involved in what happened that day. And until then, we'll keep talking to him about it, and we'll do our best to help him understand that it's okay to forgive.
WELCOME TO JIM'S AUTISM BLOG
Hi everyone and thanks for visiting our blog. My wife and I created this blog to chronicle our experience while raising a son with Asperger's syndrome. Since our son was diagnosed with an ASD at age 5, we've had a lot of questions. Lucky for us we have a great support network in place. And our blog gives us an opportunity to share what we've learned with our readers. We hope you find our blog informative and interesting. Thanks again for visiting.
"It seems that for success in science and art, a dash of autism is essential." Dr Hans Asperger 1906-1980